My Humble Request to All Restaurants

Who doesn’t like fast food?

If you raised your hand, tough luck. You need it to survive.

Now, some folks like their food fast (especially if they are hungry). While other’s prefer “stuff” that comes under the category of “fast food,” popularly known as “junk food.”

I’ll be the first to admit – as I usually am – that I adore fast food. Pizzas, Burgers, Chips, Momos; basically anything that is either fried, steamed (I’m occasionally health-conscious) or has an unhealthy dose of cheese on it, is a favourite of mine.

Imagine a physically (never mentally) grown-up, almost balding man, jumping with joy, while eating a Four Cheese Pizza (or if you want to be really stylish, say Quattro Formaggio with an Italian accent)… that’s me!

As was the case while growing up, we didn’t have all this. Our limitation to the world of fast food was having tasty footlongs at Nirula’s in South Delhi. That’s all changed over the last two decades.

Obviously, this has also resulted in a scary scenario of children starting to eat too much junk food from an early age. I believe in moderation; thus, I’ve never stopped my kids from having the occasional pasta or pizza.

Now, this post isn’t really about the pros and cons of fast food. I’m sure you will find enough blogs, articles, and research papers that discourage or encourage you to enjoy the cheap and tasty pleasures of life. It is a never-ending debate, one that I’d rather watch from the sidelines.

What I want to talk about instead is making a heartfelt request to eatery owners, or any place that serves even moderately “heavy” food, to make some changes in their restaurants.

It’s a request that comes from an aging individual whose lunch or dinner outings with the family includes several factors. From actually finding a parking spot near the restaurant to waiting patiently for the food to arrive. Then, making sure my kids eat enough food to finally tackling the sugar rush that will make them stay up all night because while their mother wasn’t looking, I sneaked them a few sips of an aerated drink.

So, as a fan of the restaurant chain business, all around the world, I would like to put forth these following straightforward and executable requests;

Recently, I had the opportunity to experience the pleasure of Pizza Hut’s Everything Included All You Can Eat Lunch Buffet (Phew!). That’s not what they call it, but that’s the gist of it.

At the end of it, while I was letting my waist come back to its original size (although I must confess, it wasn’t much of a journey ), I started to wonder.

If this was a film; imagine me sitting on a table, my wife feeding my son, my daughter busy colouring one of those activity sheets that all kid-friendly restaurants have. The camera finally focuses on my animated dreamlike expression with a thought bubble emerging out of nowhere. Then, it zooms into it, to give you a glimpse into what I am thinking. Yup! I have a wild and very filmy imagination.

So, my first request is for an 8-Day Free Pass to a nearby gymnasium. In case you are wondering why 8 days, let me try and explain.

The reason is that, after a couple of hours of stuffing myself, I was so bloated that I would obviously need a couple of days before I could even think about doing any exercise. We all know, and gym instructors will concur that we should never exercise after eating a heavy meal. So, two days are spent waiting for the right moment. That leaves us with 6 days.

Now, everyone knows you cannot go to the gym every day. It is a well-known fact that the companies who own gymnasiums rely on this. If everyone who paid for the gym actually went every day, these companies would go bankrupt.

In the interest of helping an industry in this economically weak time, I decided to sacrifice my health for their financial health. That’s my good deed for the day done. We are now left with 4 days.

I’m sure all of you are busy people. Not the type who spend time reading blogs (wait!… never mind), so we have to take out 2 days for work, sudden appointments, socializing, etc. That leaves us with only 2 days, and you need one to relax after such a hectic week.

In the end, technically, you have only one day to enjoy some steam, sauna, jacuzzi, and… Oh, right, you have to go now.

Well! You will definitely come back tomorrow for some exercise, Right?

Definitely, but first I must have some pizza, so I can get another one of those 8-day free passes.

See what I did there, repeat business for the restaurant.

My next request is even more important than the first one. It is for restaurants to supply its customers with lounge chairs to take a nap, for an hour minimum, after the meal.

I know what you’re thinking. That it’s absurd, I would even suggest such a thing. But wait! You’ve read this so far, so hear me out. It’s not like you have anything better to do.

By doing this, restaurants are actually saving lives. Firstly, people are less likely to fall asleep while driving, which is of a high probability after having a heavy meal.

Then, this will allow people to drink alcohol freely without having to worry too much, as they can then relax and sip some water and let that alcohol level go down before they go out.

In case someone passes out for the night, the restaurant can charge them a “couch fee,” in addition to the “parking fee”. That’s double the money for doing nothing.

My friends, that’s how great money-making ideas come alive.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I’m in awe of my thoughts.

That being settled, what would blow our collective minds is if the very chairs we sat on to have our meal were to transform into the lounge chairs once the food was finished.

I mean seriously how cool would that be?

You don’t even have to get up and risk walking to the lounge chairs (it is essential to keep public safety in mind). I know you would be as excited I was when I thought of this.

However, what would really blow out all our collective geek minds was if they (the transforming chairs) had an inbuilt music system that played the theme song of Transformers – The Movie (goes something like “Transfooormeeers, more than meets the eye!”) every time the transformation took place.

Actually the mechanical sound all Transformers make while transforming would suffice as well. All you Transformers haters, I hope you get a chair that plays elevator music.

Being a businessman, I agree that if the transforming chairs were to be placed in the restaurant, a lot of people would just come for those and not the food.

Here is what should be done; As stated above, the transformation can only take place if, and only if, you have finished your meal. What this also means is that parents would not have to coax their children into finishing the food. It’ll be as simple as saying “Hunny! You want the chair to transform, finish your food”, and lie back on your recently transformed lounge chair and see the magic happen!

If you have leftovers, you will need to use a unique “management only key” that will turn your chair. Trust me, I’ve thought of everything.

Now, while I am posting this, and while I am sure someone is bound to jump to the ideas I have suggested, why not we all make a pledge. Next time you are at a restaurant, any restaurant that you think can do with transforming chairs, write a little feedback note, telling them about the gym membership scheme and the transforming chairs.

If all of is can do this, one day soon we will be enjoying this pure pleasure of life as we bite into some succulent cheesy delights.

Image Source: Pixabay